Monday, November 30, 2009

Under 250: G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra

I'll be honest with you, the most impressive aspect of Hasbro's summer toy seller G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is the way they managed to make Sienna Miller, as Baroness, look nothing like Sienna Miller. I wasn't expecting much, but after hearing several positive reviews from those who claimed the film was so self-aware and campy it was successfully entertaining, i was hoping for a mindless good time. I got the mindless part. G.I. Joe is about as vapid as it gets, relentless action, bad puns, and a blowout of CGI covers up a script that's beneath the bulk of its cast. The "Joes", with the horrendously dull Channing Tatum as focal point Duke, are attempting to save the world from Destro, a double-crossing, weapons dealing super villain who possesses nanotechnology that can devastate a city in a matter of minutes. It gets complicated when newly enlisted Duke begins to realize that somehow this all comes back to his own romantic entanglements. Coincidences and lucky breaks like that run rampant in the film, and while i can appreciate a good tongue in cheek moment, i ultimately found the movie to be on the boring side. Tatum can't pull off a lead role for me, even if he looks the part of all-American meathead, he's got about as much charisma as a raw potato (which is both what he looks like and what his name leads me to think he should look like). With a spunkier leading man and thirty minutes trimmed off, this could have been a fun ride, as it stands, it drifts towards tedium. On the bright side, it knows it's not a serious movie, and that at least saves it from falling into Michael Bay territory. Rent it if you need something to put on in the background, if you need to successfully distract a roomful of 6-12 year old boys, or if you're interested in checking out one of the weirdest turns on Joseph Gordon-Levitt's rise to fame.

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