Sunday, March 7, 2010

Oscars 2010 Liveblog

Wilde.Dash watches the Oscars.  Wilde.Dash speaks in the third person.  Wilde.Dash is ready to eat pizza now.  How many more hours do I have to sit with this computer on my lap?  Why did I say I'd do this?  (Also, M. is twittering from St. Louis's official Oscar bash, check it out here)

6:22: Ryan Seacrest asks Kathryn Bigelow what she'll say to ex-husband James Cameron if she wins for Best Director.  My goodness that boy tries too hard.  Bigelow is likely a better person than I, because I'm pretty sure I'd have some choice words for that dude.

6:25: One time, I decided to 'liveblog' watching Salo: The 120 Days of Sodom.  I did, but I didn't publish it.  Maybe I should cut up pieces of it and insert them in here to see if you're paying attention.

6:32: Have noticed that whoever is filming for E! gets bored and decides to stalk Clooney's wanderings.  Am still really hoping that Colin Firth somehow trumps Jeff Bridges. Oh wait! Clooney watch '10  Now he's actually stumbled into the picture.  I don't like this pinky/lavendar/mauvey color scheme so many people are rocking.

6:40: Sartorial love #1: Rachel McAdams. Simple dress, great colors.
6:45: "If fashion was porn, this dress is the moneyshot" - Gabourey Sidibe
6:49:  Oh RDJ. Geeky little bowtie.  Adorable.

6:58: Barbara Walters special has reminded me that Sandra Bullock is a cool lady with a solid perspective.  Alas, I don't think anything can turn me around to seeing how The Blind Side fits into the Best Picture category.   I'm sorry Sandy, I like you...but...

7:28: Memo to ABC: your red carpet interviewers are abysmal tools.  Hardcore sycophants. Next year, hire me. I'll get to the bottom of this and talk to people like they're actually people.

7:39: Neil Patrick Harris, Las Vegas Showgirls, already better than that horrendously awkward Baz Luhrmann sequence last it wrong of me to wish that a wild and crazy guys skit makes it in here somewhere?

7:49: Well done Steve & Alec, now: SUPPORTING ACTOR.  Ok, how long is the clip reel? Geez, this could really drag it out, yeah? Woody's head looks real shiny in The Messenger. Remember when Christopher Plummer was Captain Von Trapp? He was a looker. And.....NO SURPRISES. Christoph Waltz.  Swank. "Uber-bingo!"  Looker --->

8:00: Eeegads, last minute alterations.  So much quality animation this year, I would have loved to have seen Fantastic Mr. Fox gain some recognition, but who can argue with a BEST ANIMATED FEATURE win for Up?  Pixar triumphs again.  Think Toy Story 3 will conquer again next year?  Or will it lose points for sequelness?

8:06: Wow. Standing next to Amanda Seyfried, you really notice how poorly proportioned Miley's dress is.  Hannah Montana - the bust line needs to come higher.  You look like an inverted triangle.  Another check on my Oscar ballot: ORIGINAL SONG: "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart.  No alarms, no surprises.
   --Good lord, "I love you more than rainbows" ?!? For reals.

8:17: Two favorites. Fey & RDJ.  Are those Chucks, Downey Jr.?  Wonderful. Sickly Little Mole People. There's truth to that, I'm afraid. Yes, indeed.
  --The Hurt Locker wins for ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY.  A Serious Man and Inglourious Basterds definitely had more complex, original writing.  Let's just put it out there.

8:26: John Hughes tribute is bumming me out.  How is it that Molly Ringwald looks like, the same, and Ally Sheedy transformed into a mutated Sigourney Weaver?  Which Breakfast Club-ber are you?  Ally Sheedy. Definitely.  PS: I'm a firm believer in Macaulay Culkin making more movies. Why not?

8:33: Sartorial loves 2 and 3: Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana.  My goodness, the bottom of Saldana's Givenchy dress is so unexpected. The sparkly. Sparkle sparkle sparkle.
     --ANIMATED SHORT:  Logorama
     --DOCUMENTARY SHORT: Music By Prudence
     --LIVE ACTION SHORT: The New Tenants
I think that's 0/3 on my Oscar ballot. I was counting on Wallace and Gromit...

8:43: OH MAN. Ben Stiller in blueface.  Brilliant. He specializes in award show humor, I think.  Really, they should hire him as consultant.  James Cameron: wipe that uncomfortable expression off your face.
      --MAKEUP: Star Trek

8:54: ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: All that talk about being based on the novel Push by Sapphire finally paid off.  Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire adapted by Geoffrey Fletcher who's totally crying about dreams and believing and needs to skip off the stage.

9:00: And Miley Cyrus looks to Taylor Lautner and says: "Who's Lauren Bacall?"

9:01: Anna Kendrick was such a robot in Up in t he Air, but in a good way, I think. She was a sort of terrifying little person.  ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Mo'Nique. Here comes the two hour speech...
   --Speech much shorter than expected. Hurrah. Samuel L.  what is this face all about? Not a Precious fan?

9:11: I love Sigourney Weaver. ART DIRECTION: Avatar.  Lots of good choices, though. Who else do I love? Tom Ford. Brilliant designer now brilliant filmmaker.  I hated the hats in Bright Star. COSTUME DESIGN: The Young Victoria. Period piece triumphs again, thought Coco Avant Chanel would have taken it.  Also, you probably don't want to start out with : "I already have two of these..." otherwise... dead on, lady, the contemporary costumes don't make it.  I can't believe A Single Man didn't get in there. They captured that period dead on.

9:23: Yeah, that Paranormal Activity reference is never going to get old.

9:29: SOUND EDITING: The Hurt Locker.  What, are you kidding me?  Over Star Trek and Avatar?  Is this a joke? I call foul.  I'm pretty sure the sounds of fake space are so much more complicated.
   --SOUND MIXING: The Hurt Locker again.  This is absurd.  Honestly. Dismantling bombs over transporters, spacecraft, etc? Frustrating.  I'm starting to get really bitter about Hurt Locker, guys.

9:40: Sartorial love #4: more sparkles on Sandra Bullock.  CINEMATOGRAPHY: Avatar.  Who else thinks Watchmen got totally gypped in the technical categories?

9:48: Ah yes, and here they act like animals. A pack on all fours and leashed. Barking and panting, thrusting their heads up to catch pieces of food, eating out of dog bowls and getting whipped when unruly. More fascist doctrine about the suit’s fascination in watching people who don’t enjoy what they do be forced to take part in it and a pastry filled with nails? Iron filings? Can’t tell, but it made her mouth bleed a lot. Not so healthy, I think. Oh yeah, everyone’s naked now. Except for the authority figures.
    ---Oh wait. That's Salo.  Strike that from the record please.

9:51: Dance Break! I enjoy the big heavy Sherlock Holmes score.
     ---9:54: alright. I've had enough dance break. End scene.
     ---9:56: the more I think about it the more I sort of think it might make sense for Avatar to take Best Picture.
      ---9:57: BEST SCORE: Up

9:59: VISUAL EFFECTS: Avatar.  As if you didn't know.

10:06: BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: The Cove.  Which looks totally depressing. I thought that film was about something completely different.  Dolphin slaying? My god. I know a half dozen people who probably cried during that clip reel.

10:12: I swear, guys. As soon as I can find a picture of Martin and Baldwin in a tandem snuggie I'm putting them up as sartorial love number 5.  That's only half a joke.  FILM EDITING: The Hurt Locker.  Editing wins usually win Best Picture, kids.  It's looking like a sweep for The Hurt Locker, for better or worse

10:19: Quentin and Pedro! Wonderful! BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: The Secret in Their Eyes....wait, wasn't The White Ribbon supposed to be a lock?

10:28: Wait a second, I just noticed, was Farrah Fawcett left out of the In Memoriam? That's not cool guys.

10:29: I love when they have individuals introduce the acting categories. Colin, Colin, Colin, you deserve recognition.  Come on, something needs to be shaken up...I love George Clooney, too.
     --10:36: And the award for ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE is: Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart. One of those cases where the person is recognized for the wrong movie.  The Dude was the role of a lifetime, Bad Blake, I'm sorry to say, is not.  Colin Firth's performance was.  Someone cut off this speech already.

10:46: I'm feeling embittered. I think I'm becoming far too pretentious for the Oscars.  I have these delusions about art triumphing over all.  I choose Charlotte Gainsbourg. Book closed.

10:52: I forgot Sean Penn won last year. BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side. Oh boy. At least she's humble. Solid acceptance speech.

10:57: Shit my dad says (regarding Barbra Streisand): "The older she gets, the more she looks like Steven Spielberg"

10:58: BEST DIRECTOR (aka: battle of the exes): Kathryn Bigelow. First woman. Makin' history. Feminist that I am, though, I probably would've handed it to Tarantino, who has written and directed more strong female characters than Bigelow could even come close to.

11:03: Tom Hanks is the Academy Governor? BEST PICTURE: The Hurt Locker.  Another year, another war film.  Seriously: politics always wins.

Most predictable Oscars in recent memory.  I'm signing off now to be a little bit frustrated.


  1. Praying that this won't be a Hurt Locker sweep.

  2. Me as well, sir. Quality film, but I have my reservations.

  3. LOVE Rachel, she looks stunning....(eating cupcakes watching oscars) when are they gonna get to the good stuff?

  4. My worst fears have been realized! Boo!!

  5. Thanks for blogging while I was playing fancy dress up. I am jealous that you had pizza though, despite the nice appetizers.


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