Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Guest Post: Tryst at the Dawn of the Dead

Guest columnist and special fashion consultant to Love & Squalor, Tryst is your guide to filmtastic styling, locatable on the sartorial street by her excellent taste in tutus and expertise balancing in ridiculous footwear. With a degree in English and Biology, she is officially certified to make up both words and diseases, and make fashion judgments. While she does enjoy curling up on the couch with a movie and her English husband, she will be the first to tell you that pajamas belong on the inside…not outside…of your abode. Look for more of Tryst's tips in the weeks and months to come!

Poor Brad Pitt.  Just the other week Hungarian authorities raided the World War Z set and took away all his shiny things that go bang because they were actual functioning guns.
On the bright side, once this movie finally gets made (I am so excited even though it’s already behind schedule and over budget),  I’m sure it will have a major box office presence.  7.3 million people watched last week’s premiere ofThe Walking Dead and with Halloween coming up it seems that zombies are on the mind more and more.
As I just watched Zombieland for the umpteenth time and I greatly enjoy a good zombie flick (Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, The Evil Dead, Hell Driver), lately I’ve found myself wondering how the living manage to still look so good…or at least so put together.  For example?  In Zombieland they talk about not showering for ages, so why is Emma Stone’s hair still so pretty?  
Now, before you tell me it’s just a movie and thus doesn’t matter, think about what you would have to cope with if there is, in fact, a Zombie Apocalypse. Yes, we will have to run for our lives and magically learn how to effectively wield a machete and shotgun, but… there are more trivial things to worry about as well. As the ever-prepared girl I am, I’ve decided to put together a survival kit to make me feel pretty during all the savagery.  After all, when the world as we know it has been ravaged at least I can find comfort in the knowledge that I still look good.  If worst comes to worst, at least I’ll look nice when I kill myself before the zombies eat me.
Multitasking is important when you can only take what you can carry, so I tried to think of things that are not only practical, but essential for my peace of mind:

  • Oscar Blandi Dry Shampoo: Showering will not be a priority when clean water becomes scarce, it’s far more important to drink than it is to bathe. My hair is one of the things I fret about regularly and I don’t think being chased by flesh-eaters will change that too much. Oscar Blandi’s dry shampoo is the one I currently use (in the real world) and it works wonders. It’s easy to use, comes in a travel size, doesn’t leave much residue and works well for volumizing as well.

  • Dove Clinical Protection Visibly Smooth in Wild Rose: When the zombies come, I’ll smell, but this should help a little bit. And, I can hope the wild rose scent might help me blend into the natural aromas found in the wilds of the woods.  

  • Vaseline: I am OCD about moisturizing, thus Vaseline is my best friend.  It’s a multipurpose tool that can be used to soothe burns, rashes and minor cuts. It doesn’t spoil in the heat or cold and could even be used as a lubricant to fit through tight spaces… 

  • Listerine Plus Whitening Mouthwash: Since water is scarce, I may not be brushing my teeth very much. Mouthwash won’t give me the same feeling, but close enough. It can also be used as a disinfectant.  Once it runs out I will probably have to resort to brushing my teeth with twigs, since that’s what the period dramas tell me they did before toothpaste came to be.

  • Bobby Pins: I have a feeling I will be sporting a high bun since my hair likes to pretend it is an afro (which never really manages to look as cool), so the pins will come in handy for my hair, and can also be used to pick locks or pluck out zombie eyeballs.

  • Girl About Town lipstick from MAC:  It has no real use. I just want to be pretty, besides I can use it to distract people from the hollows that will form under my eyes. It has a bright pink color that I can see going well with a multitude of skin tones. After all, I may have to share with those who didn’t have as much foresight as me. And like all the other MAC lipsticks it has great coverage and staying power.
  • Avon Glimmersticks eyeliner: They come in a variety of colors (some with glitter) that do not budge, even when running for your life. Another plus is that they’re self-sharpening so there’s no need to worry about keeping them nice and pointy. As for practical uses? One always needs a writing utensil, especially in a world where GPS doesn’t work and I’ll need to write down directions or mark things on a map.
  • Yes To Cucumbers face wipes: These are wonderful for makeup removal and I imagine would work just as well at cleaning up the blood that spatters on me from my kills. Plus, they have a refreshing scent which will come in handy after a long day of running, slashing and hiding.  To top it off?  They’re biodegradable. After all, just because you’re living hell on earth doesn’t mean you have to kill the Earth faster.
  • Laura Mercier Oil-Free Tinted Moisturizer SPF 20: I may have to kill myself before getting eaten but I would prefer that death not be a result of skin cancer. I’ll also probably need something to stop me from looking so sallow when I become malnourished.
  • Nars Blush in Orgasm: It is universally known that once you get naked in a horror movie, you will die. As such, I will have to get my kicks somewhere else. The peachy pink color is universally flattering and there is a nice dash of glitter to make sure I still feel pretty.


    1. I really have to invest in some Nars for my apocolypse survival kit.


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